The Adventures of a Quitter

57 hours and 42 minutes.

That is how long ago my DH and I gave our cigarettes to God- our Lenten sacrifice. DH is doing rather well. He doesn't feel withdrawl, just a random irritation at the loss of the hand to mouth thing. He also doesn't understand how this ride feels to someone who is physically addicted to the chemicals, mentally addicted to the enforced break times and the overall "happy" associations with this now forbidden activity.

58 hours and 27 minutes.

I went outside and did garden work to help get past another craving. Two different children came out and asked if I was imagining the grass clumps as Daddy's head.... No, not at all. I am trying to keep my head clear, free of any thoughts. I am safe that way, no reminders of what desperately want, and yet so strongly DON'T want. I want to succeed.

We fought last night, over something stupid. When it was over, he apologized. But it seems the effects of it carried over to today. It seems DH thought I was imagining the clumps were his head, and shared it with the kids. LOL Perhaps he has very good reason for thinking this way. ;-) But, his head is safe. I do not want to dwell on what upsets me. I want to get through it, past all the struggles.

58 hours and 40 minutes.

Matthew 4, verses 1-11

For 40 days and nights, Jesus was in the desert, fasting and praying. The first thing the Devil tempted Jesus with was food! Jesus was strong, and I shall be too! I am pretty sure that fasting and praying in the desert was not an easy thing for Jesus. I do not expect it to be easy for me to quit a 20 year addiction.

Don't belittle my hard work, and the things my children are also enduring, by telling me that I should smoke, rather then yell at my children in my fits of withdrawl. My children and I have talked, they will be ok with some yelling, if it means I will live to see them grow up and start their own families. We all would rather go through this 1 time, all together, then to keep "attempting" and failing. It will only be bad like this for a little bit longer... I promise.

59 hours 23 minutes.

I want a smoke after every meal. I want one after I worked hard on something. I want one when I am frazzled. I want one while I am tending the laundry. I want one approximately every hour, from waking to dark. I want one to keep me from yelling at the kids. I want one because I am bored. I want one because I am on the phone....

Off to go dig past this...

60 hours.

Praise the Lord!!! I can get through these cravings, I can defy Satan and his ever decieving lies. I can get this devil off my back, and out of my lungs. I LIVE!!!! I will survive!!!! I have friends all over the globe, praying for me and my battle. I have posted my shame for all to see~ Confessing this truth and fighting to make it no longer true for me.

I am NOT a smoker.

I might be a quitter, but I am fighting the most important battle in my life~ and I intend to win with God's help.

Too big?

As I toil and till this plot of mine, I am starting to wonder... This is a pretty big plot for a beginning garden. Is 300 square feet too big??

This shot is taken from in front of my Kitchen Window. Right now, the dirt section is approximately 170 square feet. WOW!

I only gained about 2 feet by 10 feet across today. I have about 3 more feet to reach the back boundry line. The dug section measures 17 feet long (front to back) and 9 feet wide. I was pretty close on my estimates of size! I was aiming for 10 feet wide, eyeballing it.

I DID get the girls doing some studies, since they've suddenly become less then helpful, and downright surly. Perhaps I should make them DIG for me, so they will find better attitudes? Eh. We'll see.

My friend Angelic posted a link in my FaceBook comments on yesterday's blog post, sharing this wonderful link: http://www.gardeners.com/Kitchen-Garden-Planner/kgp_home,default,pg.html You can design your garden, and then have it e-mail you the garden plans and all the tiny details you need to know, like WHEN to plant, how many, and how many to thin it out to, and more!!! GREAT link. Makes me wish my printer worked with this computer!! It thinks that gardens don't exceed 4ft by 12 foot... so I have to use it to plan sections at a time :-) I hope to leave pathways inbetween the sections for tending the crops :)

Garden Progress

I didn't do much yesterday, except loosen up a 2ft by 10 ft section. I did talk gardens with other ladies, and have inspired and motivated them into turning their thoughts and muscles towards their own gardens. I'll link you to their blogs in a moment. :-) While we were talking Christy found a great link for us to read on, which actually changed my approach to how I was turning the earth. Her blog has that link already in it ;)

Today has been very productive, both in the garden and out. My husband took the van to the shop and had a new powersteering pump put in, washed the van, and helped clean up the kitchen too! WOOHOO!

The old process, I was taking the dirt out of the sod, and tossing the sod into that pile there. Well, I need to reincorperate that sod back into the plot, to boost the nutrients and keep the garden from becoming sunken below the sod line. It will help with irrigation, in theory... For a yard that turns into a lake in the rain, I am not so sure. :)

You can't see it all that clearly in the brightness of the picture, but I past the corner post, and am in the 2nd 10 foot square! WOOT! The line is just about 1/2 way thru that square, which means I am about 1/2 way done with this first round of earth turning.

Anyways, http://shakethesalt.com/2010/02/wondering-if-a-garden-is-for-me/ here is Christy's blog post; And this one http://notmedidit.blogspot.com/2010/02/recollections-from-composting-class.html is Tina's (She did an AWESOME lesson on composting!!)

Butterfly Oatmeal

Good morning! *stretch*



As I puttered around this morning, opening up the house and doing my morning routines, I was thinking about what I would cook this morning for breakfast. I am striving to feed my family better, and provide more cooked meals on a regular basis. Once, a bowl of sugary cereal and possibly a banana was the standard~ now it is just the back up plan.



I think it all started when I was thinking out loud about making some cookies, Dd chirped up that she wanted me to make Butterfly Oatmeal. Really? Ok :) I can do that.



While DH and the kids were watching Lazy Town in the bedroom, I was poking around the kitchen, measuring this, calculating that. (I really enjoy how quiet the kitchen is, before the kids discover me in there) I drifted into thought as I cooked. I remembered back 10 years ago, when my oldest was a todder and the story of Butterfly Oatmeal began...



Anne-Marie was about a year old, and already was developing into a wannabe picky eater. I had to find creative ways to introduce new foods. Her vocabulary was pretty big for her age, understanding much more then she could repeat. She used both sign and spoken words to communicate her needs, and to our suprise, her wants. One of her newest words was butterfly, and she loved seeing them in her shows and outside.



I was out of oatmeal, and had some Cream of Wheat on hand. I was skeptical about getting her to try it, especially since it was one of those foods that I struggle to eat. We would take a bite, testing the temperature and showing her how tasty something was. It was a fun game... as long as I ALSO liked the item.



She started to refuse her bowl, when I creativly told her it was Butterfly Oatmeal! Her big eyes looked up at me, "Fuf-fly O-meel?" Her high pitched little voice echoed.



"Yup! Sure is!! Mmmmm See? It's sooo tiny, even a butterfly can eat it!" Those magic words held all the information she needed. Butterfly Oatmeal was forever stuck in her mind as the bestest stuff in the whole wide world.



Basically, all it is, is Cream of Wheat, seasoned with brown sugar and butter. Sometimes, I add raisens when I add in the dry CoW, other times I use syrup instead of sugars, and still others I use milk instead of water.



Today, I used sugar and butter, and then added in some red and green sprinkles. "Oh Yes! The color is what attracts the butterflies!! You don't see grey flowers calling all those pretty butterflies do you?" I tell Kayleigh, as we introduce Butterfly oatmeal to the littles this morning. Her eyes get big as they look up at me, "Buf-fye O-meal?" I smile and nod knowingly at her, as she digs in; my latest wannabe picky girl.



And of course, Kayleigh had to have seconds of that yummy Butterfly Oatmeal... Everyone else was full at the end of their own bowls, including Jacob~ :~)

Diggin' Diggin' Diggin'

I think I've found my new exercize routine! My poor body seems to think so!

The children raced outside this morning before breakfast, decked out in their much despised overalls, in order to get started in the garden. I convinced them all to come back in and eat, before we got started. :) An hour later, we were all dripping with sweat and gulping our waters.

After a very full day of digging and clod busting, we cleaned the backyard back up, and swept off the patio. I have had to get the kids busy on getting all the dirt clumps off my carpet, and chores will resume VERY soon. ;)

So, I measured out the garden today. It is 20 feet long on the long parts of the L and 10 feet wide. Yea!!

I tried to squeeze too many pictures into this one... :)

Thoughts of Lent

Ash Wednesday is just around the corner, this NEXT Wednesday to be exact. I realized this yesterday and mentioned it to the kids.

"Look at that! It's almost Lent! We need to think about what we want to give to God for Lent." I told the kids as I looked at the calendar.

"Oh! I want to give him flowers!!" I hear behind me. :) Sweet child...

"Flowers are nice, but that's not what we're doing. We are supposed to give something to God that we shouldn't be doing anyway. Some people give up TV, or game systems, some give up bad habits or behaviors. Some people give up things that are unhealthy, like sugars and caffine. Think about it today, and we'll talk about this more later."

So we went on with our day, digging and such. At lunch time, DH came home :) Not 2 minutes after he walks in the door, a child asks, "Daddy, what are you going to give God for Lent."

DH looks at me very pointedly, grins, points to me and says "Cigarettes"

*groan* Good one Honey. "So we are going to give up cigarettes, Dear?"

"Sure. When does Lent start?"... "That's 40 days, right?"

"Yup, 40 days and 40 nights.... Till Easter Sunday"

"Alrighty then." Looking rather smug, he wandered off.

Dear Lord. Please protect my sanity and my children as we trasition away from poisoning our bodies. Please ease the effects of withdrawl, and keep our tempers in check. I can only do this, with your help. Amen.

Note to self: find out what the kids plan to give to God for Lent. Attend Ash Wednesday services. Pray. Clean out all smoking areas, hide all ashtrays, and empty all areas where long butts may be found.

A day in the Garden

Ahhhh, the smells of spring... Ok, So maybe not spring yet, but for a beautiful 65* sun-shiny day... It FELT like spring. All my friends are talking about feet of snow as blizzards race across the eastern United States. I miss the snow.

Instead of snow, we took the day off of formal studies to start digging in out garden. I showed the girls how to break up the great grass clumps, keeping the dirt and worms but tossing the weeds. DD told me at one point: "You're the Best Mom Ever!! I'll gladly dig in our garden all week, if I can skip my studies!!" I don't think she realizes that she is still learning ;-)

Worms. yes, Big ones, fat ones, skinny ones, slimy ones, LOTS of grumpy earthworms were discovered in our chosen plot. My 7 year old and 3 year old decided that worms are EWW!! My 10 year old is fascinated by the worms, and grossed out by the bug larvae (grubs?) We talked about what happens to the worms when they get chopped by the shovel (2 for the price of 1!), and what good worm casings (poop) is for the soil.

The layout changed a bit, and if DH has his way, it might shift a bit more. I started digging in the area I don't plan on backing down about ;)

While we were out digging, Jacob came out to explore. He climbed chairs, splashed in puddles, explored the playhouse, and avoided the green pokey stuff as much as possible. He must have had fun, because he was covered in dirt. After a good long nap, he awoke to discover our Miss Gabby here. After some more time outside on the trampoline, Miss Gabby took the littles in for a good scrubbing.

Now our day is drawing to a close, and the children are helpfully cleaning up the kitchen and livingroom. As soon as the dishasher is done, I have 2 big girls that need showers. I have a supper to go put together... Pot Roast, Carrots, Potatoes, and fresh Challah. Many blessings to you and yours on this Sabbath.

The Garden Begins

I kept thinking I needed to go to the store and pick up garden stakes. This has kept me from plotting out the garden for over a month now, even though I have it all planned out on paper. Today's peeking sunshine motivated me further, and with a flash of inspiration, I realized I had the "perfect" thing!! Solar Lights!!

So here is the layout of the beds. I have a section marked out for access to all sides, which is also where there is a pile of rocks from around a tree we lost last winter.

The girls are out right now, removing all land mines from the garden beds, and then I'll start turning the soil and removing all current green things- which are no considered weeds. Hmmm, we were happy our grass as filling in at one point... LOL

Wednesday, Febuary 10

As I went about my morning routine this morning, it dawned on me. I am not as draggin' bottom tired as I am used to being. I do not have to "Revv myself up" or try to throw myself into a productive manic mode in the morning.

This isn't so profound by itself. The only time I have ever woken up alert and ... friendly? in the early mornings is when I am pregnant, and only being pregnant twice in 4 years pointed that out to me. I've also been diagnosed as bi-polar, with OCD tendancies and borderline personality disorder. Due to finantial difficulties, I have no health insurance, and have been holding my own (pretty well even). I've recently started seeing a Naturopath, in hopes of taking care of my health naturally.

I've been sick this week. the symptoms started up Saturday night. First it wrecked havoc on my sinuses, and now it's migrated to my lungs. I was up a lot last night due to constant coughing, even after a breathing treatment. I'm not stating this for pity, but rather giving you the whole picture. This is just a normal cold, and it will be gone in a day or 2 more :)

So this morning, when I realized that I had been awake, only consumed 1/2 a cup of coffee, and there I was- talking with DH and planning out my day... AND I had the energy to DO it! Oh my goodness, do you know what this could mean for my family????

I can't wait to see how I am feeling when I am recovered from this cold! If i am feeling human while sick and sleep deprived, I can't imagine.... ohhhhh the possibilities!!!

Naturopath Visit

I went to my Naturopath again yesterday, while my mom stayed here with the girls. I was able to barrow her van to get to my appointment, since DH was working. The baby came with me, and fell asleep on the ride there, and stayed asleep even after I put him down so that she could work with me easier.

The supplements that she ordered for me were in. I am taking 3 supplements, and we'll see how I am doing in 2 weeks. The first one is Adrenal (2 in the morning), it will help level out my thyroid and help bring up my energy levels to where they belong. The next one is Paraplex (2, 2 times a day), this one is to bring up my blood pressure. The last one is Cholacol (1 w/ every meal with fats or oils), this one with replenish the bile salts my body lacks (gallbladder removed) for digesting fats and oils. I am not to use the Unswitching unless I feel I need it, and I am to call her first.

The unswitching seems to have worked. I had one night where I took it, and woke up at 2 am in full Manic Swing. It took me about 12 hours to get a hold of myself, but since then, I have been doing better. The manic swing is now gone :) and I didn't crash hard either.

I DID pick up a cold. *ugh* So did my oldest. So far, everyone else is ok.

Improvements in school

My big girls have been working hard at doing their studies, both completely and daily! Here is Dd's 2nd grade writing assignment for yesterday:

Hehehe I only had to spell a few things for her!

DD has been improving in handwriting, here is her assigment in Spelling for yesterday:

I should also mention that DD got an 88% on last weeks Chapter 2 Math test, and Dd got an 80% on her last Math test too :D GOOD JOB Girls!