Catching Up is Hard to Do.

I have been trying to teach my children something that I didn't understand until my 20's, and now in my 30's I am still working on. You would think, that once the light bulb flashed, years of doing it wrong would have no bearing on the matter, I could just *Poof* get it right. Unfortunately, lazy ways are "easy" until they pile up and become SO MUCH that they are overwhelming and you don't even know how to begin.

They wouldn't have a lesson to learn, if there wasn't real life application. Every day, the children have a page or 2 to do in each of their books, to march their way through their book studies. They know this, we've been doing it this way for many years now.

A while back, I decided to condense things, since I was noticing that some subjects were getting "forgotten" in the mix, or entire books mysteriously dissappeared for days on end.  A new hole punch and some binders were purchased, and I made a binder for 4 of my 5 children. Each section had 4 weeks worth of work (with some sections only needing 4 days of work per week). I wrote out a list of the books and pages assigned, and then made a checklist chart for them to mark of a square as they did each assignment each day. I came along on Fridays, and inspected the binders, highlighting where they really were at by my verification on the check chart.

The first few days were fun! They loved the new plan, and they worked hard to knock out their work each day. I talked to them about how if they diligently worked at this pace, they would get through the next 4 weeks with very little stress. They heartily agreed, and happily made their marks on their charts. By the first Friday, they had kept up pretty good! I was impressed, and had high hopes for the new plan. I couldn't wait to show them the surprise about the new set up when it was time to make the next binder refill!!

The second week, I started noticing little things. Certain children had too much "free time", getting sullen and moody as though they were stuck in video games rather then education. I checked the checklist, and saw proper progression, and left it alone. 'I know my children are smarter then to try to play me for a fool," I remember thinking. I would know on Friday.

When Friday came, one binder was still stuck on last Friday, and the other binder was all over the place. Some subjects were right on track, yet other subjects hadn't progressed at all. (The little kids are not in the binder checks, because I walk them through each subject at their own pace). I gave the kids a pep talk, praised the good and disapproved of the bad. I told them that they had to work harder, if they had any hope of keeping priveleges.

So far, the natural consequences are light. Their work is compounded, and their priveleges still stand... tenitively. This would have been the perfect time for them to get in gear, and at LEAST do the minimums in each subject, so that they at least kept up.

Another week progressed, and glasses came in. All excuses were finally off the table, except we have been sick since November, so not much got done by one, but the other gave the appearance of doing studies her all... for 2 weeks. On binder inspection day, I was horrified to see how far behind they were!!! They had 3 days to complete 2-3 weeks worth of work!!

They cried, complained, moaned, whined, found 30 reasons they couldn't possibly work. I pushed. I don't like being lied to. They worked VERY hard, but failed to meet the deadline. They now have 1 month to complete History and Math for last month, AND all their studies for the current month by the time their Teacher returns. They lost electronics, and the child who lied and faked it is grounded until certain things are complete.

You would think, that they would remember how good it felt when they were keeping up. You would think they would WANT to knock out little bits every day to make progress. This is not what they are focused on though. They are focused on the incredible amount of hard work they have ahead of them (especially the child who loathes her text book).

Today, I put together the binders. I pulled out the stacks of finished work from the binders. I pulled out the next sections, and punched the holes. Now I need to make the new pacing charts, and I will have to micro manage them every day all day long, to show them how easy is REALLY is, when they are making diligent, honest progress.

I did show them 2 of the surprises today. The first one was that my oldest is done with "reading" for the rest of the official school year. She got a Certificate of Completion for that. The second surprise was showing them how much of their books they will be done with at the end of this 4 week period. Both were motivation points for the girls, and my second born was happy to learn she only had a week of reading left... (kinda, she's further behind due to Mono and Migraines).

This is an ongoing lesson. I did not learn it over night, and I had noone to hold my hand and teach me good pacing and diligence. Maybe we will all master it together, one day at a time.

PostScript:
     The natural consequences of shirking work is compounded work under a deadline.

     The consequences for outright lying about doing the work and pretending to be busy doing it are not quite so simple.

Peaceful Parenting

Peaceful Parenting.
What do you think about when you hear these words?

Do you imagine the home in Leave it to Beaver, where the mom is happily preparing dinner and the closest to angry you ever see is this sad look of disappointment or worried surprise?

Do you imagine children that never get into trouble, or maybe children who never fight and bicker?

Perhaps instead, you see a parent quiet and patiently on top of all the chaos going on around them, gently guiding and teaching at all the right moments.

The first scenario is wonderfully heartwarming, and yet, if you ask anyone, it is not what their life looks like. Maybe here and there in brief glimpses, but not all day long. Especially since we did not get to see those 2 parents with toddlers and 5 year olds. I am sure they had some major parenting growth, before they became that peaceful and sure in their parenting. It is a great source of inspiration to me though.

The second scenario is unrealistic. No matter HOW you parent, children will test boundries (and the lack of them) often. People living together in the same household will have times they get on each others nerves, or get feisty and want to provoke a lively debate. The idea here is to teach respect, courtesy, and personal space, and give them the communication skills to talk things out, rather than accuse and defend.

The third scenario is an inspiration to watch in progress. The children learn about life hands on, with guidence. They look to their parents as their mentors, their masters (think apprenticeship, not slavery), they are able to learn several lessons at once, through things they themselves experience, and by watching what is going on with others around them. Natural consequences sometimes teach the same lesson that yelling and screaming and physical punishments just can't teach.

Natural consequences some times happen in the blink of an eye, and other times take many days to come to a head. In order for that to work though, a parent has to be patient. To allow for the "what happens if I don't" every now and then.  Then, when it does finally come about, the lesson is gently and kindly laid out in easy to understand steps. This is not easy, but it makes a deeper impression.

What might this look like? What example can I give you? Well, Just today was the Shoe Test.

A certain young lady, whom shall remain unnamed, has the responcibility of the Kitchen Zone right now. Her tasks require her to clean up the "kid mess" that finds it's way into the kitchen, to wash dishes, wipe the counters, and sweep up the floor. Her little brother has 2 pairs of shoes. So when I saw that a lost shoe was oddly located in the kitchen, I began a "Test". How long would that shoe remain in the kitchen before it is found and put away?

5 days later. A glass jar is shattered in the kitchen. (Someone else's Lesson) In cleaning the kitchen floor, I again come across the SHOE. You know, the shoe that we were looking for before another sister's doctor appointment, because the other pair is MIA. (I forgot in the chaos about the Test, but that didn't matter, because here comes the natural consequences part)

You see, I couldn't take a child in the rain to the doctor's office, with no shoes on. I had the young lady watch him at home while we went. He was VERY upset. So later, when the jar shattered and I was cleaning up the mess, I swept up a whole lot of other mess too, things that had not been gotten swept up in several days. I called her into the kitchen, and showed her the shoe. I told her how long it had been in the kitchen and where. I showed her the other mess too. I gently reminded her of the upset little brother.

"But I did look for his lost shoe." Her voice raised in her traditional defensive tone. "I looked in his room and the little girls room and I couldn't find it."

"Yes, you did look for it. I am not saying that you didn't try to find it. What I am saying though, is that you stopped trying when it wasn't easy. What I am also saying is that you didn't do some other tasks completely either, in order for us to have been in this situation today."

She looks real thoughtful for a moment.

"Perhaps what you didn't realize is that this very shoe has been a small test for you. I found it here in the kitchen where it didn't belong 5 days ago. For 5 days when I inspected the kitchen and told you the job was not done, I looked at that shoe and this mess on the kitchen floor still there. I can tell you without looking many of the items in that pile, because I have been looking at them all week."

"No, I didn't realize that until right now. I don't think I passed that test. Now I feel bad for my brother, because he could have gone if I had paid more attention this week, and he wouldn't have cried."

She apologized to her brother, and helped me out by mopping up the well swept floor for me. The mopping was part of a Safety Alert lesson in the kitchen in regards to the glass shards all over the floor. They all learned how to properly clean up and protect the danger area, and how far that area extends. That lesson led later into another discussion, because the glass breaker was story telling and left out how the glass came into the picture.

But you see, I was not angry about any of these events. I don't have to be angry, for the children to learn how to behave.  In fact, if I yell less, and teach to the heart more, these lessons will all last a life time. There are times for a raised voice, there are times for set consequences. Hard work never hurt anyone, and it takes work to repair the damage from poor choices. Anger is a choice, and sometimes, it is a struggle to snuff it out when it sparks up is firey head. That choice will pay off, every single time you choose to not be angry, but instead use the moment to teach a bigger lesson.

Problem solving is ineffective in anger. Communication is difficult in anger. Relationships are impossible to maintain when emotional storms are rampaging around over every little mishap. These little children of ours are people, very small people, who are still learning about everything about them, including how to handle the mistakes and fallicies of those around them. I want to see my children learn to handle things with grace, dignity, and  self control. The best way to teach that, is by modeling it myself.

~Misty