Toddler Stages: "Mine!"

Early this morning, while I was waking up, I was scrolling through my FB news feed, seeing what's happened since I went to bed. I know I am not alone in this morning ritual. I get my coffee, I check the weather and the calendar, turn off the morning alarm, and sit down to sip my steaming brew. It's easy enough to find myself "liking" several photos, articles, and various posts from my friends on the other side (country or world). If I get up early enough, I get to see the posts made in the late night hours from my Australian friends, and catch posts from Europe as they are shared. I enjoy this time, as my family is all still deep asleep, and I can just be.

This morning, I came across this gem:



We've all seen this, and laughed. We can easily identify with this, as we have ALL seen a 2 year old at one point or another. Sometimes, their understanding of their little world is so stinkin' cute! Unfortunately, some of us have also seen this mentality in grown adults. I can assure you, it is most definitely NOT cute at 15, 25, 45, or even 85!

Developmentally, the "mine" stage kicks in unprompted at about 16 months old. It can be earlier, it can be later, but rest assured, by 18 months they will have a FIRM grasp of what their possessions are. They are watching the world around them, and absorbing how it all worked. Perhaps Momma took the phone away with the words, "No, this is mine". It only takes one time of showing how 'mine' works, before you have a tiny possessive monster on your hands.

I wrote this, when I shared the meme:

"Yes, diffusing "mine" in toddlers and turning it into sharing and friendship is an uphill battle that must be won.

Adding an extra toddler into the mix, who is 6 months younger with no siblings brings the battle back, almost in instant replay. A little more than 1 month in, and I can honestly say, the end of the battle is in sight."

Then I realized that if I finished that train of thought on FB, I would have nothing to blog about. so I left the FB people hanging, and maybe even waiting to read what I am writing now. ;)

I watch a 17 month old little girl while her mother is working. Earlier in the blog, I named her Jumping Bean, and that name is going to stick for now. She has been with us for a little over a month, and has learned SO MUCH in the last month. She learned a few things before coming here, also. These things are what we struggle with on a daily basis sometimes, until she finally decides that it's easier to go play nice. This post is not about any of that though, just about "Mine!" battles.

My 2 yo loves her friend dearly, and looks for her and sometimes even cries for her when she is not here but there are times when she is so frustrated and mad too. She doesn't understand that Jumping Bean hasn't learned these hard lessons we just learned 6 months ago. Wild Boy doesn't understand that Jumping Bean is like him, curious, excited and full of energy. She wants to do everything he does, just like his little sister. Jumping Bean is always happy to come over, and curious to learn how to play like the other kids do. She can run the obstacle course like you wouldn't believe!!

As I said in my post on FB though, Jumping Bean has come a long way. One of the things I first noticed, was that everything in my house is "ours", and only the items in JB's diaper bag were truly HERS. She's 6 months behind Sarah in development, and in clothing sizes, so I have started her her own little dresser that I have filled with clothing for her to wear. Yes, she goes through 1-4 outfits in 9 hours. I have a backyard, and she is very active and curious. Did I mention FAST? I cleaned out the little girls' room last week, and pulled out a lot of the baby books and baby toys. I have 2 drawers in the living room dedicated to LR toys, and I am working on making the bottom drawer toys that Jumping Bean likes. The books went in a basket.

I defend all children equally here. I pay attention to who is playing with what toy with what toy, and I am already working on passing out duplicates of things to encourage good side by side and possibly interactive play. I have to keep things kinda fair, and yet the moment we have melt down and a tantrum happens all bets are off. Tantrums are not acceptable. I have taught many words and signs, I pay constant attention to baby body language and cues. I feed on demand, and I cuddle too. The basic needs are kept met, almost before the child needs it. I won't let any one child "take" from another, but I encourage them to share constantly.

Wild boy has learned to let the little girls play with the desired toy for a moment, because they only want it for a little bit, and then drop it and move on. He has learned to negotiate with them too. Instead of crying and screaming that a little one has taken his favorite flashlight, he now runs off and finds something that particular baby likes BETTER then what he had swiped from him. He kindly offers to trade them and happily bounces away with his prize. The baby girls see this kindness and sharing of belongings and self control of emotions, and learn to find ways to do the same. Jumping Bean and Flutters have been seen bringing drinks to each other, or retrieving favorite blankets for each other.

We still have battles. Some toys or joys will inspire the beginnings of WW3 if I am not present and on the ball. It is dangerous to my baby if things are yanked out of her hands, so I can have no lack of diligence on my part in this life lesson. Diffusing the situation, distraction, communication, and absolute boundaries WILL get your toddlers past this milestone in peer to peer interactions and friendships. It's our job to guide them through it, with kindness, love, and leadership.

Weekend Cleaning Project

The weekend was busy, filled with deep cleaning and laundry. Hunny started off the morning with mowing the yard and trimming the weeds. I coordinated the kids into tackling the tidy ups around the main parts of the house, and then took a trash bag in to the little girls' room.

The little girls' room hasn't been worked on by me for a few weeks, and it always amazes me how much trash and broken toys accumulates. I started pulling trash and dishes out of the mess. Hunny joined me and I lined boxes and drawers up on the bed, and we started sorting groups of toys into them. Soon the floor had been found from the bedroom door to the dresser in the far corner.

After all the floor was found, I sent the full bucket of little boy toys off to his room to be put away. I pulled 2 buckets of his toys out of their room! I packed away a full box of baby toys, a full bin of stuffed animals, a back pack full of dressup. Most of the bins and boxes went neatly into the closet, where they would keep mess from drifting back in.

Once the bed was cleared back off and stripped, we turned the dresser and rerouted the wires for the electronics, and then we turned the bed too. This gave the room a lot more space for the little girls to play each day. We made the beds with fresh sheets and pillowcases, and set up an empty laundry basket.

By the end of the day, the room looked amazing! The girls were excited to be able to see all of their toys, and promptly started exploring. =)

I love the first few days after a major clean, when we can all easily see where things go, and it is easy to see what is not a part of the room. For the first few days, even the 2 year old tries to help put things away neatly, and the 6 year old enjoys her space.

Major cleaning sprees like this take their toll on me though. I spent all of Sunday in bed, barely able to move, let alone able to chase little people. I am blessed to have an amazing hunny, and outstanding children that take up the slack when I am (rarely) out of commission. Today my back is a tiny bit better, but it is not yet back to nomal.

I do sprees like this on the kids rooms about once every couple months. This spree was more to condense and cull the trash and broken toys out. I wil continue this mission on each of the kids rooms an then all the living spaces too. My goal is to reduce our material goods by 50% over the next 12 months. I hope to have at least one yard sale and put the proceeds towards self suffiency.

But that is a whole different topic, for another day.

So proud!!

WOOOHOOOOO!!!

All 4 kids passed their belt testing!!!

AND

Miss Kbug (age 6) advanced 2 belts, and was invited to the Family Basic Level!!!

I am so proud of my children. They have all worked so hard, and come so far since November when we started. My Wild boy used to flop into a puddle on the mat any time the teacher wandered to another child, and his reaction time to spoken commands is slow. Focus was out the window in 2 seconds if you didn't have his eyes. Now he is able to sit still for a few moments, follow some commands, and he even managed to learn and complete his Dragon Form (even if it was in slow motion and with another very helpful child telling him moves, to all of our shushes and giggles).

My older girls are 1 belt away from being invited to the Black Belt Club, and already have their sparring gear. I may have to have them wear the boots and gloves during the kicks and punches in class, as we are starting to see more wounds. Taekwondo and EB can be a very delicate balance.

Oh! And my oldest got invited to SWAT, which is an instructors class!! I am so proud and excited for my children.

Flutters has 6 months before she can think about trying it, and yet she already answers up with "Yes Ma'am!" and can chant through 1/2 of the Dragon form. LOL

Learning in the Dream Time

My son is very active.

I should rephrase that.

My only son is so full of energy, we could power the entire Western seaboard off him. The moment his eyes open, until the moment the finally drift closed, this boy is GOING. He is climbing, running, jumping, digging, swinging, sliding, exploring, peering, yelling, screaming, talking, walking, throwing, whirling, spinning and crouching. Just *thinking* about it is enough to make my head spin. He is 4 now. When he was 2, it left me in an exhausted puddle by son down, and I would be weeping upon son up. (I spelled that right, the boy was up before and after the sun)

Ok I think I have established that this boy is full of energy.

My son is also STRONG. He is built like a caveman, all muscles and no mind to pay attention, unless it interests him. As of yet, he is not one of my little intellectuals, but he is brilliant. At 18 months old, he could pull himself up and onto the 3.5 foot high trampoline. By 15 months, he had a toy screwdriver, and was accurately trying to dismantle the child gate so he could explore the buttons on the electronics.

So, last year, when he figured out how to walk up the trunk of the tree to hang out in the first set of branches, I wasn't surprised. He would hang out there for 20-30 minutes, before he would holler for someone to finally rescue him. FOr over a year now, he has been perfectly content to hang out right there, going no higher. (I'll come back to this.)

Wild boy is in the middle of a growth spurt. At this time last year, he was 40 inches tall. By July he was 42 inches tall. I can't find my measuring tape right now, but I assure you, he is about 44+ inches now!! Growth spurts mean a lot of eating and a lot of deep sleeping. To a boy who doesn't nap, it is frustratingly exhausting. When he sleeps, he sleeps DEEP. I can change his clothes, move him across the house, and even changed his diapers while he was sleeping if they needed it. This is good.

We process things in our sleep. Sleep Hypnosis is proof positive of that. While you dream and rest, your mind is being taught to do something differently. Even without hypnosis, our subconscious never sleeps. It is busy processing all those things that you saw, thought, said, and did each day. Sometimes, this can cause nightmares, especially if you've been around a lot of traumatic things in your life. Some days, you might wake up with new insight to a problem you've been dealing with, or you might have inspiration on how to rearrange the house for a better feel.

One thing I have noticed over the years, is that babies and children are sponges. They see and hear everything, and process it all constantly. You have seen this yourself. Your baby laying peaceful in bed, and suddenly they startle and scream, only to drift right back off. Or perhaps they start smiling and giggling at something in the dream time. You've seen it, even if you didn't realize it. I was astonished when I had been (unsuccessfully) teaching my baby something for a few weeks. After a while, I think, "maybe it's too soon" and I back off and move on to something else. Then one morning, out of no where, the baby looks at that activity, and DOES IT, right. *happy dance*

So after a year of hanging out in the tree, the other morning he woke up and did his morning things. We went out to water the garden, as the new routine requires. As I am turning on the hose, I see my son look up at the tree and beeline up it. I unrolled the hose and turned back around, and he is gone! Puzzled, since he can't get down yet, I start looking around. Not on the ground in a silent heap (WHEW) and not where he was expected. I look up, and see his toes 20 feet over my head!!!

I went about my garden work, wondering how we were going to handle it when he decided he was stuck, and had just decided to send my oldest up after him when it came time. I finished watering the garden, and turned off the water. By the time I had the hose rolled back up, he was in the crook of the tree like normal, asking to be taken down. It's been a week maybe since then? Well, yesterday, he got OUT OF THE TREE all by HIMSELF. No one showed him how. No body gave him the idea to go try it. He got it in his head, and then he did it. I am positive, he practiced it aplenty in the dream time, perfecting moves and plans before he even tried it awake.

Catching Up is Hard to Do.

I have been trying to teach my children something that I didn't understand until my 20's, and now in my 30's I am still working on. You would think, that once the light bulb flashed, years of doing it wrong would have no bearing on the matter, I could just *Poof* get it right. Unfortunately, lazy ways are "easy" until they pile up and become SO MUCH that they are overwhelming and you don't even know how to begin.

They wouldn't have a lesson to learn, if there wasn't real life application. Every day, the children have a page or 2 to do in each of their books, to march their way through their book studies. They know this, we've been doing it this way for many years now.

A while back, I decided to condense things, since I was noticing that some subjects were getting "forgotten" in the mix, or entire books mysteriously dissappeared for days on end.  A new hole punch and some binders were purchased, and I made a binder for 4 of my 5 children. Each section had 4 weeks worth of work (with some sections only needing 4 days of work per week). I wrote out a list of the books and pages assigned, and then made a checklist chart for them to mark of a square as they did each assignment each day. I came along on Fridays, and inspected the binders, highlighting where they really were at by my verification on the check chart.

The first few days were fun! They loved the new plan, and they worked hard to knock out their work each day. I talked to them about how if they diligently worked at this pace, they would get through the next 4 weeks with very little stress. They heartily agreed, and happily made their marks on their charts. By the first Friday, they had kept up pretty good! I was impressed, and had high hopes for the new plan. I couldn't wait to show them the surprise about the new set up when it was time to make the next binder refill!!

The second week, I started noticing little things. Certain children had too much "free time", getting sullen and moody as though they were stuck in video games rather then education. I checked the checklist, and saw proper progression, and left it alone. 'I know my children are smarter then to try to play me for a fool," I remember thinking. I would know on Friday.

When Friday came, one binder was still stuck on last Friday, and the other binder was all over the place. Some subjects were right on track, yet other subjects hadn't progressed at all. (The little kids are not in the binder checks, because I walk them through each subject at their own pace). I gave the kids a pep talk, praised the good and disapproved of the bad. I told them that they had to work harder, if they had any hope of keeping priveleges.

So far, the natural consequences are light. Their work is compounded, and their priveleges still stand... tenitively. This would have been the perfect time for them to get in gear, and at LEAST do the minimums in each subject, so that they at least kept up.

Another week progressed, and glasses came in. All excuses were finally off the table, except we have been sick since November, so not much got done by one, but the other gave the appearance of doing studies her all... for 2 weeks. On binder inspection day, I was horrified to see how far behind they were!!! They had 3 days to complete 2-3 weeks worth of work!!

They cried, complained, moaned, whined, found 30 reasons they couldn't possibly work. I pushed. I don't like being lied to. They worked VERY hard, but failed to meet the deadline. They now have 1 month to complete History and Math for last month, AND all their studies for the current month by the time their Teacher returns. They lost electronics, and the child who lied and faked it is grounded until certain things are complete.

You would think, that they would remember how good it felt when they were keeping up. You would think they would WANT to knock out little bits every day to make progress. This is not what they are focused on though. They are focused on the incredible amount of hard work they have ahead of them (especially the child who loathes her text book).

Today, I put together the binders. I pulled out the stacks of finished work from the binders. I pulled out the next sections, and punched the holes. Now I need to make the new pacing charts, and I will have to micro manage them every day all day long, to show them how easy is REALLY is, when they are making diligent, honest progress.

I did show them 2 of the surprises today. The first one was that my oldest is done with "reading" for the rest of the official school year. She got a Certificate of Completion for that. The second surprise was showing them how much of their books they will be done with at the end of this 4 week period. Both were motivation points for the girls, and my second born was happy to learn she only had a week of reading left... (kinda, she's further behind due to Mono and Migraines).

This is an ongoing lesson. I did not learn it over night, and I had noone to hold my hand and teach me good pacing and diligence. Maybe we will all master it together, one day at a time.

PostScript:
     The natural consequences of shirking work is compounded work under a deadline.

     The consequences for outright lying about doing the work and pretending to be busy doing it are not quite so simple.

BUSTED!!

I heard some noises in the kitchen, and went to investigate. This is what I discovered:

Dh says: "Well now, that explains a LOT!!" I guess there was a mystery mess on the stove... :D