2013 Garden - The Beginning

It is hard to garden, when you have a black thumb. Well, at least partially black. I can keep plants alive for a while, but my past gardens were flops. What else do you call it when you harvest 9 tomatoes off of 26 bushes in the whole season? The radishes and garlic disappeared completely, and the corn was small and barely pollenated. That was in 2011.

Last year, I didnt bother. By the time I was motivated, the growing season was half over. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?

So this year, I want to do better. My soil here is clay. Clay can be hard to work with, and I loathe weeding. 2 kiddie pools looked like a great solution! I drilled drain holes in the bottoms, bought my dirt bags and spent a day mixing soil at a 2 to 1 ratio. My arms ached, as did my back. When I went inside to get something, the dogs had a grand time rolling and digging in the pools.
We put up the baby corral around the pools, and added more containers into the mix. The black coi pond has tomatoes and strawberries in the shallow part, and potatoes will go in the deep portion. So far tan containers have bell peppers and cauliflower in them. Pumpkin will go in the last one, I suspect.

We have corn, peas, and onions in one seed greenhouse, and 3 kinds of hot peppers in another. I srptill need to lay the straw under the berry pkants, plant 3 last marigolds, finish reviving the cucumbers that the babies helped, and plant carrots.

Learning to be more feminine in a feminist world

Growing up, I remember the day I refused to ever wear another dress. I also remember when pink was no longer something I would own, touch, or wear. I decided that to get by in this world, it was safer to be the tom boy, than it was to mess with all that frippery. I had logical reasons for each thing I passed over, but none were the real reason. It took me a very long time of healing, growing, and learning to understand what my childish mind couldn't grasp.

I was born in the late 70's, and that was a BIG time in the Feminist Movement. Young women around the country were standing up and fighting for the ability to be valued as equals. They were burning bras to snub their noses at percieved female bondage. They were able and willing to work beside the men, and be paid fairly for the same work.

Those ideas were GREAT! YES! We are human too, and deserve to be treated fairly. I was once so proud of how far women had come and that I would be priveledged to figure out what path my life would take. I could go to college and become a teacher or a doctor. I could get back to the earth and become a farmer. I could get married and have a family, or I could stay single and do something else.

I wrote stories with chapters about those future imaginings. I loved the possibilities ahead of me. When asked what I wanted to become when I grew up, my first answer was always "Be a mommy". This was never a good enough answer. The adults would scrunch up their eyebrows in a concerned way, "Oh that's a good expectation, but what ELSE do you want to be?" I would tell them that I wanted to be a doctor or a teacher, and they would smile and pat me on the head.

Time went by, bad things happened to me, and to others around me. These incidents would shape my young mind into my perceptions about life. I graduated high school, and went to apprentice at a machine shop. Surely this was a good SOLID job for a woman in today's world. I was let go after a few months, a machine shop and my disabilities were not a good mix. I went into fast food, working for several popular food chains. At one point, I had 3 jobs in the food industry. Answering the drive through at 2am with the phone spiel from the pizza place was not one of my best moments.

By this point, I was aware that college was a pipe dream. I had no way to pay for the astronomical tuition fees for the carreer choices ahead of me. I gave up. I made choices I should never have been faced with, and found myself on the streets for 18 months. All those hard learned lessons from childhood kept me safe and alive, but I had to compromise many values and beliefs to stay alive.

Soon, I wanted to get back on track. I gave up the drugs, I got a job in sales. I went door to door selling things, to make my piddly 2 dollars of each item. This kept me out of trouble and fed long enough to get my head straight. Over the next few years, I found love, moved many times, got pregnant, got married, and suddenly found myself doing all the work of a single parent, and working too. One good fight, and I was on my own.

That was fine, in my mind. "Anything a man can do, I can do better" became my new mantra. I got a good job, and 90 days later, got an even better one. It took some time, but it all came together. I was working, and supporting me and my baby. Within 3 years, that had to change though. My second child was born with the same disability as me and my first, and I had lost my childcare. I could not find a SINGLE daycare that could take in my special needs children.

This is when I HAD to become a stay at home mom. I had NO clue how hard that would be. It drained me, daily. The massive amounts of medical needs, the teaching, training, housework, budget, meals... it was all overwhelming!! I hadn't been taught this. It had not been considered important, because my life would have a different path.

If all of that wasn't overwhelming and daunting enough, I was introduced to the perceptions of the Stay at Home Mom. Somehow, this most feminine of occupations, had become similar to a dirty word!! Not only that, but I had managed to fall into an even more looked down upon position... a Single Mom. How I wish I knew then what I knew now. I have grown so much since those dark days.

When did being feminine (wearing a dress, acting like a lady, and loving the children) become wrong? I do not have to be a man. I do not have to act like a man. I do not have to go work in the mines, factories, offices, or other business. I cherish the thought of more children. I cherish my time with my children, even if the chores are many and the pay is immeasureable. When was it wrong to WANT to grow up, get married, and have family? When did it become the standard that ALL women are burdened by their biology, that they must fight it and conform to what someone else percieves as "the perfect life"?

These days, I am struggling to wear my hair down a little more often, to wear a dress or skirt when I would prefer long pants to hide my scars. I am choosing less "manly" clothing, smells, and stances. It's a battle. I do not feel "Safe" doing this... but I am working on undoing that old brainwashing. I am a woman. I am beautiful, delicate, and do NOT have to do it all by myself. I can, but I know that I do not have to. I will continue to learn to be more feminine in this fiminist world.

A brief moment of peace

*WHEW* It's Friday night, and I have all the chidren tucked in for the night. As far as I know (until I look at my calendar), I have no where to go tomorrow, no pressing plans, no last minute errands that need doing. This is a quiet peaceful time for me, to reflect on my day, to think through things I have seen or said, or things done and left undone. For a moment, a quiet brief flash, I can feel peace. It's like the tensions and so much more just drain from my body and all is "OK".

This morning started early, as all Friday mornings do these days. We prod the older children out of bed and through their routines. We get outfits ready before the little ones wake up, and once the big kids are ready they work together on packing lunches for us all. Some mornings, like today, I haven't yet printed out my pages to go with the lesson I am teaching, so the computer and printer are slaving away, too. My MH comes, and helps get the little ones ready to go, finding shoes and brushing hair (She's GREAT!). She teaches the nursery and preschool class, too.

By 9:45 I am at the Co Op, unlocking, unloading, setting up, and keeping students from disrupting the offices next door. We have 2 55 minute classes, with Lunch, and Craft/Activity afterwards, fieldtrips and parties. I have been told by one of this trimester's students "This is the BEST school EVER!!". *swoon* I love knowing that this Co Op is a success in the eyes of the students. By 1 we are cleaning up the building and locking up soon after.

Some days, we go to the park after. Others we go run errands. It doesn't matter what we do, or even if we go straight home, a siesta is usually in order afterwards. Today I had an extra kiddo with me, and she got to explore my house and yard and play with my 2 year old. She doesn't have play dates often, so there was a lot of fun. :) No siestas, though.

The time to prep dinner arrived in a blink, and I had a plan already. I seasoned and watered the meat, then filled in the pan with diced potatoes. That baked for an hour, and then I pulled the potatoes to flip and finish cooking the roast. Miss 6 insisted on Cranbery Sauce with dinner, and that went really good cold on the cooked meat. All of that and some peas and I called it a meal. :) Hmmm... I wonder if there's any left...

A good friend dropped in before work, and we had fun talking and catching up on things. Time was running out to fulfill a promise to miss 10, so Friend, Miss 10, Mr 3 and I loaded up into the van and made it to Barnes & Nobles before they closed. I found one of the 2 items I was looking for, ordered the other and then got lost in the education workbooks. Oh Wow! I had forgotten that they carry school books. I now have books for Miss 6 and Mr 3 to work in. =)

We got back in time for my friend to change and dash off to work. I love it when she visits, she lives too far away. Bedtime clean ups and routines, bedtime drinks and favorite blankets, these are all absolutely needed to keep the natives happy, not to mention it helps keep them in bed! Some nights, it takes 10 minutes, other nights, it takes 2 hours and 3 repititions of the full routine. On really bad nights, it involves bandages and wound care, but I try to get that done during the day.

Ahhh.... See? There it is again. That peaceful lift of burdens from my shoulders. I won't realize they are even there, until this quiet peaceful moment happens again tomorrow night. ♡♥♡

Lack of Focus

Do you ever struggle to get things done? I do. There are days that I can't seem to focus on any one thing, when the children are all swirling around with energy and questions and interrupting every train of thought possible. There are days where body aches and pains become too overwhelming to do even the bare basics, let alone tackle the deep cleaning tasks that are scheduled. Those days where it seems like I am moving through super dense air and the gravity has been tripled, yet noone else notices the change and moves along in fast forward (it seems).

So, How do you cope on days like that? How do you get done all that still needs doing? (Please, share any ideas you have on this topic in the comments. I really would love your input.)

Sometiimes, not always, I am able to shake it. I turn off all the TVs and radios, I light a few candles. I try to get the kids all doing a simple, fun thing that requires nothing of me. I step into the sunshine, and stretch up high, taking big deep breaths and letting it all lift away. This is when I take a moment to pray a simple prayer, "Dear Lord, I am struggling. Please help me to think clearly. Amen" I soak in the sunshine a little bit more, and then I go back inside. I find 5 focus tasks for myself, and I write them on the fridge with an erasable pen. My list might look like this:

      ____ Pick up toys in Living room
      ____ Pick up laundry in Bathroom
      ____ Swish and Swipe both bathrooms
      ____ Vacuum
      ____ Sweep Kitchen

That looks somewhat manageable, but in that frame of mind, it looks VERY overwhelming. So then I will pick the easiest of those 5 to do, and wander off to go start.

Some days, that doesn't work. I might resort to an Energy Shot (5 hr), but only a sip at a time, because I can't go into a mental spin either. You know, where the body still feels like its moving through sludge, yet the mind is bouncing off every possible thought twice in no particular order? Well, maybe you are very blessed, and have no idea what I am talking about LOL!

There are a few days, a very special few, that I decide to just go with the flow. I decide that the messes and the cleaning and the rest of it all can wait until later. That's when I gather up all the kids and we all lay around and watch a movie together. Those times are the very best, with the snuggling, the cuddling, the giggling and the memories it gives us all are cherished so much. =)

Peaceful Parenting

Peaceful Parenting.
What do you think about when you hear these words?

Do you imagine the home in Leave it to Beaver, where the mom is happily preparing dinner and the closest to angry you ever see is this sad look of disappointment or worried surprise?

Do you imagine children that never get into trouble, or maybe children who never fight and bicker?

Perhaps instead, you see a parent quiet and patiently on top of all the chaos going on around them, gently guiding and teaching at all the right moments.

The first scenario is wonderfully heartwarming, and yet, if you ask anyone, it is not what their life looks like. Maybe here and there in brief glimpses, but not all day long. Especially since we did not get to see those 2 parents with toddlers and 5 year olds. I am sure they had some major parenting growth, before they became that peaceful and sure in their parenting. It is a great source of inspiration to me though.

The second scenario is unrealistic. No matter HOW you parent, children will test boundries (and the lack of them) often. People living together in the same household will have times they get on each others nerves, or get feisty and want to provoke a lively debate. The idea here is to teach respect, courtesy, and personal space, and give them the communication skills to talk things out, rather than accuse and defend.

The third scenario is an inspiration to watch in progress. The children learn about life hands on, with guidence. They look to their parents as their mentors, their masters (think apprenticeship, not slavery), they are able to learn several lessons at once, through things they themselves experience, and by watching what is going on with others around them. Natural consequences sometimes teach the same lesson that yelling and screaming and physical punishments just can't teach.

Natural consequences some times happen in the blink of an eye, and other times take many days to come to a head. In order for that to work though, a parent has to be patient. To allow for the "what happens if I don't" every now and then.  Then, when it does finally come about, the lesson is gently and kindly laid out in easy to understand steps. This is not easy, but it makes a deeper impression.

What might this look like? What example can I give you? Well, Just today was the Shoe Test.

A certain young lady, whom shall remain unnamed, has the responcibility of the Kitchen Zone right now. Her tasks require her to clean up the "kid mess" that finds it's way into the kitchen, to wash dishes, wipe the counters, and sweep up the floor. Her little brother has 2 pairs of shoes. So when I saw that a lost shoe was oddly located in the kitchen, I began a "Test". How long would that shoe remain in the kitchen before it is found and put away?

5 days later. A glass jar is shattered in the kitchen. (Someone else's Lesson) In cleaning the kitchen floor, I again come across the SHOE. You know, the shoe that we were looking for before another sister's doctor appointment, because the other pair is MIA. (I forgot in the chaos about the Test, but that didn't matter, because here comes the natural consequences part)

You see, I couldn't take a child in the rain to the doctor's office, with no shoes on. I had the young lady watch him at home while we went. He was VERY upset. So later, when the jar shattered and I was cleaning up the mess, I swept up a whole lot of other mess too, things that had not been gotten swept up in several days. I called her into the kitchen, and showed her the shoe. I told her how long it had been in the kitchen and where. I showed her the other mess too. I gently reminded her of the upset little brother.

"But I did look for his lost shoe." Her voice raised in her traditional defensive tone. "I looked in his room and the little girls room and I couldn't find it."

"Yes, you did look for it. I am not saying that you didn't try to find it. What I am saying though, is that you stopped trying when it wasn't easy. What I am also saying is that you didn't do some other tasks completely either, in order for us to have been in this situation today."

She looks real thoughtful for a moment.

"Perhaps what you didn't realize is that this very shoe has been a small test for you. I found it here in the kitchen where it didn't belong 5 days ago. For 5 days when I inspected the kitchen and told you the job was not done, I looked at that shoe and this mess on the kitchen floor still there. I can tell you without looking many of the items in that pile, because I have been looking at them all week."

"No, I didn't realize that until right now. I don't think I passed that test. Now I feel bad for my brother, because he could have gone if I had paid more attention this week, and he wouldn't have cried."

She apologized to her brother, and helped me out by mopping up the well swept floor for me. The mopping was part of a Safety Alert lesson in the kitchen in regards to the glass shards all over the floor. They all learned how to properly clean up and protect the danger area, and how far that area extends. That lesson led later into another discussion, because the glass breaker was story telling and left out how the glass came into the picture.

But you see, I was not angry about any of these events. I don't have to be angry, for the children to learn how to behave.  In fact, if I yell less, and teach to the heart more, these lessons will all last a life time. There are times for a raised voice, there are times for set consequences. Hard work never hurt anyone, and it takes work to repair the damage from poor choices. Anger is a choice, and sometimes, it is a struggle to snuff it out when it sparks up is firey head. That choice will pay off, every single time you choose to not be angry, but instead use the moment to teach a bigger lesson.

Problem solving is ineffective in anger. Communication is difficult in anger. Relationships are impossible to maintain when emotional storms are rampaging around over every little mishap. These little children of ours are people, very small people, who are still learning about everything about them, including how to handle the mistakes and fallicies of those around them. I want to see my children learn to handle things with grace, dignity, and  self control. The best way to teach that, is by modeling it myself.

~Misty